Sometimes i get butterflies when you run inside my mind and hide behind my huge bookshelf. <3

Beauty of the Beauty

Smiles have a huge impact on my life.It goes under the definition of beauty.The emotion you have as soon as you smile is quite beautiful,you feel quite whole. And to know that by just seeing some teeth with such enjoyment can make someone feel beyond beautiful inside,is amazing.

Listening to The Cure at this time and Remembering the sound of the waves from earlier today and dozing off into dreams feels so exciting intellectual.

Damn, I love my family.

So today is thanksgiving.
A day where everyone chooses to be thankful,well at least tell the people that they love,that there thankful for them.
But it should be like that everyday.
Being thankful for what you have and who are you around
and the fact that you woke up today.
Because i know i am,always.
Why does it take one day out of the WHOLE
entire year for family and friends to gather
to have a huge dinner?


*Enjoy and taste the love with your fingertips*

how can i ever be mad at her<3

A reading party.

No one would come to an understanding point when it comes to me missing Mia and Casey.
No one would come to an understanding point when it came to them making me smile by just being there.

As i was walking to school,a puppy attacked me and ate my homework.So now i can't do my homework.

I've been listening to songs that are so heart melting. What is heart melting? how can i explain it? I can't tell you what it is and how i can explain it only oneself can know.And i know it's like a waterfall.A happy waterfall.A joyful waterfall.A happy joyful everlasting waterfall.It's a ride that you would never want to get off.it's like eating a yogurt,a strawberry one,and as soon as the spoon is filled with strawberry yogurt,you eat it and then your on a ride full of explosions.Explosions of emotions.Emotions that smell so good.Smells like the rice pudding inside my pot.A pot full of dancing creatures that are jumping.Jumping till they want to cry because they feel so loved.Love so you can spread.Spread Love and Peace.Peace is what we need.

I was sitting down today with all the people that are starting to grow on me.
To remember how sad i was a couple of years felt so unreal.I couldn't tell if it were real.But to know that it's all gone,down the drain,feels so refreshing,i can't seem to stop loving life more and more,everyday my eyelids open,i find more beauty upon this earth.I can't wait to travel,step my toes upon every island,town,city,country,water,hidden islands and etc. just to taste more of the beauty i'm already tasting.

Damn,i need to party.I have so much ENERGY.

I smiled so much today,my jaw lines and cheek bones hurt a bit.

Your allow to call this heaven.

i suppose i suppose i suppose i suppose, i suppose the answer to all these supposes will be yes!

No one knows the real me.No one knows the girl with her hair tie all the way back and into a bun.No one knows the girl who wakes up as if it was the first time being a waken.No one knows the girl that can drink more then three bottles per day.No one knows the girl who uses a pen as a weapon.No one knows how vivid her imagination is.No one knows how much she can laugh just by one word.No one knows how much she cares about the world.No one knows how much she's willing to take care of someone.No one knows how much comfort she needs at night.No one knows how much love she has to offer.No one knows.

Bits of le Inspiration.

“ Always be yourself. The people that mind don’t matter and the people who matter won’t mind."

“Love is like a Rubix Cube, there are countless numbers of wrong twists and turns, but when you finally get it right, it looks perfect no matter what way you look at it." B. Cramer


“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These people have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. They are the beautiful angels living among us." Elizabeth Kubler Ross

"Should you agonize over a new found grey hair, think of the cancer patient who wishes she had that hair to examine."


"Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow".Oscar Wilde

"The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about."Oscar Wilde

I'm sorry,But as soon as you vomited those words, i forgave you.


"Nodding her head she tries to compose herself when in fact the only thing she longs for is his embrace
Young hurt is longest lasting
Sticks to you ever after"

Dear Dad,


Do you remember,years from now,how i use to dress up and i would spin around for you?I would have all these necklaces and layers on top of layers.Do you remember how i would watch you cook and tell you how bad i felt for those lobsters inside the pot?Do you remember how once you told me that you would give me anything in the world?Do you remember when late at nights i would call out your name to ask you for water because i was "thirsty" but in reality i was just scared and i needed comfort from you?Dad,where are you now? you have drowned inside all the liquor stores near us.you have no idea how much i hate when liquor is inside you,it's like i lose my dad,all parts of you,even your love towards me.your a whole different person.a stranger who walks around the house,dizzy,wondering if this is your home.i miss you,please come back.We'll go find help for you,just to be okay.I promise i won't judge you or hate you...just please let me help you find help.I miss being daddy's girl.I miss all the times we would laugh about my barbie stories and how much you would admire my stories about how i saw the world. I miss the positiveness you had inside you.Do you remember when you got a pigeon as a pet for me? just because i wanted one for one day.I would always love sitting next to you,because i felt safe.Now im scared of you, scared to talk to you,scared to even tell you i'm going to go out or do this or that. I'm scared to give you another chance every time you mess up. But as being your daughter of course there would always be chances chasing after you.I know your hurting about something,i can tell because of the way you sit or the way you day dream.I'm sorry if any of my disappointments got you this way.I'm sorry if this family got you this way.I'm sorry okay?But today,was the one day out of all these 16 years,out of all your drunken days,you told me you hated me and that you wish i would die.why?dad do you know how much you make me cry? for now im crying as i write this letter to you,as if you would ever receive it or even read it....I think i should end this here.just remember i'll always love you no matter what.

yours truly,
daddy's lost girl.



It saddens me how things change so quickly.

decent day.

I hung out with my cousins which i haven't seen for a while.I miss them tons, so it was good catching up.I went to soho with them and my sister. We bought some things..well alot of things actually.But the weather was lovely today.

That ingredient doesn't go with that ingredient.

So trying to accomplish the "need for a good talk" at this time,is a big let down.So of course i come to you.You pretty public eye.

I want to inspire,along with me being inspired.I feel like that's what i need in order to feel complete.This feeling of me wanting to be complete is becoming so unbearable.I mean i feel complete when im with people i love or people that make me happy or even the music that is destroying my hearing. But i need to feel complete on my own.Does that make sense? It's starting to ache because there's so much things i know i can do just by one movement.And all im doing is sitting here,typing away to you.Being stopped by laziness!Who made up laziness?..It's such a horrible thing. I can't help but get bothered with selfish people.I mean I can be selfish if i wanted to be.But not to the point that i want everything and the only thing i think about is myself.People out there actually want more then what they have already,and when they get what they want,they want even more!..Why can't you just be content with the things you have? There's people out there who are naked,emotionally/physically wounded,starving,etc.and they seem to maintain themselves with what they got, so why can't we do the same?Another irritation that is chasing me is the fashion sense this society has now a days.were not "allow" to not wear skinny jeans? because if we don't we get made fun of? what is that? there just jeans.Get over that, and think of more important things.Along with that i feel like i need to say this,because rumors made about me is sicken me.So next time when there's a story running along, please hear both sides,ask me,instead of judging so quickly, and then having a bad impression of me.Its not that difficult.trust me i would do the same.gees people have a heart and a brain.I have some personal things that my fingers want to bleed onto this keyboard,but it's not that personal because if it were it wouldn't be here. But anywho, Me and my dad seem like were starting to get along more, he even told me to give writing a chance and to start with everything i see,the way i walk, the way this house is, or my feelings..just to write everything down,even if i think it's stupid,just write it down. I've startled reading Anne Frank's book...Finally..i was beginning to feel like i was the only person who hasn't read it.so thanks Sergio.


Sometimes i want to sit down in front of the second largest aquarium(located in japan)and stare/analyze it for hours.

Kelvin:"

natural predator, natural prey
the lions friends would attempt to eat the zebra, the zebras friends would run in fear,still if only to be optimistic, the zebra and the lion ran together into the forest and found a land that would accept them and their love, anywhere's fine as long as they're hugging....regardless, its just meant to be ironic.

"

I love michelle kwan.

Have you ever felt like you have so many eyes,so many arms,so many teeth and your about to explode? -well that's how i feel right now.

I'm feeling weird because im lazy and sleepy but yet hyper and happy.Plans need to be settle really quick.

I Keep drowning inside my thoughts,inside your thoughts, inside that's person's thoughts,inside that person behind that person that i drowned before this person,I just keep drowning inside everyone's thoughts that are linked into me drowning inside my thoughts.

My first.

Today i went to Red Mango. Grand. And oh my. So fulfilling yummy.

First time i've eaten BlackBerries

Side Note: One of my friends Deazer has tons of potential,and im very proud of him.

*day 2 of bubble tea*

First Rainbow i've ever seen.

Bobby McFerrin is making me smile right now,yes at this given moment.

Weekend tastes great already.

First of all:For next Halloween i'm going to be Kupo from final fantasy. >.~
Second of all: I'm Bored.So the Results of boredom


Third of all: I went to Rubin Museum Of Art!..finally with jacky,it was tons of fun.After that we went to Chinatown to eat and walked around,we entered this tiny mall with so many tiny cute things.gah!.
(there's so much pictures.) But i had a cupcake and bubble tea today besides the other food we ate, so i was content.I had alot of fun today,so im thanking jacky for hanging out with me in such short notice.
Fourth of allI'm happy.

Don't just say things to say them,so things can be better. how do you expect me to  take you serious?

Side Note:Tomorrow I'm hopefully hanging out with Luis at flushing meadows,since it's his birthday and i'm looking forward into meeting his doggy.

:S three.

Didn't realised how much i would miss you till tonight.Can't wait for sunday though,i'll hear from you soon.♥


Another night i can't seem to sleep,drinking vitamin water doesn't help either,it's keeping me up.I'm so sleepy though,but lately i've been feeling like sleep is a waste of time, i mean it's amazing but you can be doing so much more things..then sleeping.But today was great,even though i couldn't donate blood because i wasn't 110 pounds,but i have next year to do so,which makes me happy.The idea of donating blood amazes me.Your blood has the possibility to travel in someone else body and to actually save their life of course.

Oh By The Way this robot is awesome:

-Thanks Sergio. :]

The Red Balloon is a short adorable film.

On that note I shall speak no futher.

It's amusing how people can not find a way to feed on to there own lives, but yet find themselves easily trying to destroy some one else. Take your rumors and lies and drama to any exit near you. And please also stop feeding onto someone's suffering, just to entertain your life, it's not funny.

My day today was sightly great! I was in such a fantastic mood since i woke up and the whole entire day in school,like i wanted to smile to everyone i seen,but they would probably think, that i'm a creep. Anywho, today i asked my oceanography teacher "if sharks get tummy aches?".. xD ahh! and then i went home and took my bike and rode to Sergio's house and saw him for a bit, and when i rode back home...pfft was i going fast..No one could of catch me if they wanted to,seriously,Actually i felt as if i didn't even exist for those couple of mins. ,that's how fast i was going. When i arrived home,startled walking up those steps of mine..Boy did my legs become really weak,it's as if it were wobbly-.- so chan.bye now!:D

AH! i told my dad that im going to become a writer on the side of my career and he was proud of me..ACTUALLY proud of me..ANYONE WHO KNOWS me knows well enough knows this means so much to me. Freaking bows.

:S two.

I took a nap so i wont have a headache, and now i have  a headache. But surprisingly i ate ice cream and it went away. Over all today was okay. It had it ups and downs, but i definitely fixed stuff out, so im pretty glad over that. Tomorrow there's no school,and hopefully my plans go the way it's planned. Chicane has definitely made my day all mellow ^_^



and also the knife <3

Here we go again..I wish i was robot, so i can be shutdown for a good hour.
Maybe it's selfish of me,but even if im with a whole bunch of people that love me,sometimes i just feel lonely.

I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO HEAR ME.

*I know what i did wrong and it's hitting me now,i want to go back because i know how to fix things, but i refuse too.*

Venting.Venting.Venting.

Ha..another post for the day. I just have way too much stuff to say, and it feels like no one is listening,so of course i come here.

My spine feels alot better after stretching for a good 30 mins.
And now Alesana has taken over my whole living room and my mood.My mood is okay today,it would be a lot better but i take a lot of stuff to heart or to mind or i simply think way too much,it's sorta funny, how i pour myself on how i feel to someone right after they ask what's wrong..and they go away-_- and don't response.Instead of carrying this feeling of unease and frustration i'll focus on myself because im tired already,trying to figure things out,i'm just gonna sit back and let things play on it's own. Oh and yesterday night i recall?.. i cried about how the earth is being mistreated and how half of the people on this earth take no action. But then my friend made me realise that i should'nt carry everyone's heart but my own.


And i feel like everyone should read this;

My spine hurts alot. Maybe it's because i slept wrong or that i cleaned too much-_-
But now im downloading some songs of Alesana<3.


I've also realized that i write quite alot..

What a "morning"

I'm not sure if i even slept.I kept on dozing off and waking up.That was on repeat for a good amount of hours,till my mom knocked my door and asked me if i wanted to eat breakfast is when i fell asleep.

I need to say this because it's been bothering me:

- I now HATE people that get drunk and talk out of there ass and then don't say anything the next day. Be responsible and apologize the next day.I mean i drink don't get me wrong, but that only happens when im in family parties which is very rare and i don't even get drunk,i get tipsy and just dance.
- I HATE being ignore from the people i care about most.