What has happened?

--- i slept early yesterday,finally i found my friend.But i woke up around 3ish...wanting to speak to someone again,no one specially, just anyone. I felt empty.
I called two people.No answer. I know i won't get an answer but it's worth the try. Im not even sleepy now. But i hung out with Michelle,bryan,cadet,steven and many other earth beings and that was pretty sweeet. So much hugs i was showered with. We ate at the mall, and sat down like lazy hippos. Tomorrow, will be a better day, i feel it on my pumping veins.



ahhh; something i wanted to add;
*I am me.Let me grow. Let me become who I'm suppose to be.Of course i won't know what i want right now.I'm only in my teens.*
-by me.

This has truly turned my day,upside down to great.

..i feel like im dancing with my eyes close and with my bare feet and i can't stop, i just can't stop dancing and running free through those trees.

Soulmates never die.

The sea's evaporated
Though it comes as no surprise
These clouds we're seeing
They're explosions in the sky
It seems it's written
But we can't read between the line

Hush
It's okay
Dry your eyes
Dry your eyes
Soulmate dry your eyes
Dry your eyes
Soulmate dry your eyes
Cause soulmates never die

This one world vision
Turns us in to compromise
What good's religion
When it's each other we despise
Damn the government
Damn their killing
Damn their lies

Hush
It's okay
Dry your eyes
Dry your eyes
Soulmate dry your eyes

Im mad this made me laugh so hard.

Pick up the phone?

Last night was another night where i saw myself staying up till sleep finds me,watched anime and pet Mena.My room seems bigger and neater when i can't sleep. I actually needed someone to talk to but it was 4 in the morning, so i gave that feeling a rest.


On that note;
My friend send me this video which i think is worth the watch because you can actually absorb and learn;




And i think if more people actually lived that way,the world would be a better place.And that is completely the truth.Its so optimism,that is why im so in love with this video.People would trust each other more.

It's Amazing..

how much you can love something so quickly <3


Today i got a kitty,her name is Mena, and she is so adorable and so tiny.
Even though she was a bit scared because she wasn't aware of her surroundings i wanted to hold her.I put her into my sweater and startled to pet her and she fell asleep,i couldn't stop smiling.I needed this distraction from all the negativity other human beings were bringing.

I'll post pictures in a few.

:O!

I cant believe my brother has played this song so much that i've gotten to like it D; -shoot me now please-

YOU ARE THE FUNK THAT WILL NEVER LEAVE.

No matter how many times I decide to take a shower. I can sit here and type so much horrible things about you. But I wont, because you are not worth the words. All I will say is that you have dismember me, so congratulations to you. Today I woke up feeling like I had a hangover, but last night I did not drink, wishing it was still night time because I fell asleep with my clothes on that I had came in with and I had a massive headache. Not knowing how I went to sleep or what I simply did. Mission accomplished eh?


You have made me into this careless creature
and it wasn't controllable
But the verbal abuse abused me.

I'm a monster when I'm with you
you were drowning who I really was
I'm a bit of a mess without you.

I now understand why we parted
we were no longer good use
to our own mentality and health.

But please don't sit there and write
sweet things,that you were planning of doing
because you missed me,because it makes me sick.

To think that a love so strong can die so quick
it takes me out of my fantasy, because i once believe that love was
something so pure and the only thing that lived.
I guess we stabbed it too many times, it was already bound to die.
We poured blood every night into our sleeping sheets and ignored it,
and not once we thought to bring those sheets into the washing machine.

I know what your maybe thinking
“YOU RUINED US, YOU FUCKING DUMBASS”
But honestly it was both of us,so you shall take a stand as well.

You were needles and I pleasantly jumped onto it. And survived. This is how I know I'll be alright.
You are no longer apart of me, and it's probably better this way. So I will no longer hold the person you created for me,or the things you've done and said or the things you thought. Your forgiven. There's no more storms just cool clam waves, and for our island? Let someone else encounter it. And same to you,goodbye for good. Good luck to your future, hope everything goes the way you wanted it to go. I know you'll be alright.




I didn't want to post this blog up because i knew those feelings were just a one time thing, but today i spoke to you and things startled to ease down,make sense at least, but then you destroyed that by doing something over rated. so thanks again.By slapping anger across my face.

Untitled the title.

Is it even possible to start becoming jealous of happiness?--Well even if it's one of the impossible,im feeling it.There's a rage in me that im definitely not familiar with,that wants to explore everyone's joy.

Whether i need to make a change or stay like this forever.

Are you okay?

no,are you?


Where are those handle bars that my hands are familiar with?
I need them,I cant stop s-s-shaking or crying.

;
Find me on the roof,counting stars,sweet angel...Please restart my heart,so i can love you all over again,feel those butterflies and count how many i had, to see those pure glowly sleepy eyes as i saw them the day i met you,so i can feel the nervousness on my knees,to feel the shocking waves fluttering inside my brain when you grab my chin,pull it up to you, and gave me a gentle first kiss.Lets go back to that day where we were laying down on your bed and we couldn't stop smiling because we found out that we were deeply in love. Lets go back to the day that we made promises that truly meant something. Lets go back.Lets go back.Lets go back, to feel the soft rich sand of our island far away from society. Lets go back to the day were i was queen and you were king. Lets go back to the day where we had no tape over our lips and spill out feelings and dreams.Lets go back to the day where we were invincible to the world. Lets go back to where you were all mine,all mine. Just grab my right hand while running into the cold waves of the blue sea,Im telling you i won't let go.Lets go back to the day where we were one and not two.

This was your choice. You are you.And I am me.

So wow to yesterday and two toe pinkys up.

Yesterday felt so short but yet enormous events happened.


First of all i went to school,arrived to all my classes,fixed my scheduled and realized that i was stressing myself out for no reason about my transcript because im not as behind as i thought i was. I had a great day with Michelle Kwan <3


Second of all i met up with Devon and William and Awni, in the G,R,or V train station to go meet up with Bianca and MaChris in St.johns. My first time meeting Bianca and MaChris. I thought i was going to be taller then Bianca,(one of dev's bestfriends) but that was an epic fail even though i had boots on, i was till short.D; MaChris was pretty chill as well( one of dev's long term friend).We went to coldstone too.So over all it was pleasant.

Third of all i came home feeling like crap because of some yelling and stomping.

Fourth of all my sister ended inviting me to adinner that we had with my cousins because of my sister's birthday is on sunday :D And the thought of it made me happy and made all the terrifying feelings go away.It was fun, we went to the city to eat and the food there was delicious,me and jenny ate seafood,liz,joeny,john,j.r,jonathan ate steak >.> and Robert and ashely ate some shrimp with chicken which looked soo yummy. <3 We got some desert dulce con leche which was freaking AH-MAZING~! i wanted more and more and more.Believe it or not i was still hungry.D; They came over to my house for a little while and john and my sister went to 7/11 and got everyone slushies <3 wild cherry:) we watched a movie or Micheal Myers which was scary,but didn't think about it before sleeping,thank goodness.They ended up leaving at almost three.This night was great./(something i forgot to mentioned)well being with my family is what made the night great. But as soon as they vanished and went roaming off home, i lay down on my bed and startled to cry because i felt lonely and empty ,i didnt have a phone so that made the hole inside my heart feel deeper because i didn't have any comfort but my own,and i just wanted to be happy.


Im pretty sure i left details out but im damn sure they'll remain in my memory tubes<3

I swear, im starting to have a friendship with my blog.

I come to this everyday.And im starting to jot down every amazing event or disastrously event that happens onto here.I honestly don't care if the whole world reads it,or if no one reads it at all.

As soon as i step out of my house i stare at the sky.Why? because the clouds seem to look more beautiful everyday.Sigh, i really wish i can take pictures of all the things i see. Mother nature amazes me more and more and more.

Today was a bit great. I hung out with Michelle,Cadet,Lizzie,and Sarah <3 at the mall to feed our appetite and walked around for a little bit. Me and Michelle need to buy Mötley Crüe shirts very soon. Agh this again, brings me to needing a damn job. >|


....i need a nap.

Btw. Im breathing.

I'm trying to get back in the center instead of being a lost soul. I just feel like im all tangle up in a web of anger. And i wanna get out before the spider comes.

Okay so maybe i didn't mean what i said about my dad " i dont care what happens to him" because well of course i do, he's my dad. But sometimes im fed up with the things he splits out. It hurts and It kills and those words directly sink into my brain and gets krazy glued.

I have a good deal of great friends and boyfriend who pick me up just when im about to fall. They remind me that im here today and i should work day by day.They remind me that i shouldn't stress the future so much.

yesterday night i put my not so good skills onto my keyboard. I played what i've learned in piano class and i just messed around.I found out some pretty tunes that i never knew existed on my piano. And this clam me down. I felt like me.

I also drew three frog-humans characters which came out pretty sweet.And a half angry dinosaur:) -- This also calmed me down.

The simplest things make me feel like Janiri Jerez once again.


P.S ; i miss Setsuna and Tyelu Y.B
P.P.S; i also want a job to work for a camera and a cellphone and books to read.
P.P.P.S This picture made me smile and laugh <3<3<3

Im done.

My dad just told me that i was worth nothing.


honeslty i dont give a shit what happens to him anymore.

I need injection of love.

Even when i nap i'm still annoyed. I love my mom with all my heart and i respect her, but lately she has been really annoying. She canceled my phone because i went over the bill what? -- 30 dollars or more? honestly she'll end up regretting it, because knowing she's a person who worry's alot,she'll be needing to call. She's getting on my last nerves about school,other reason why im so stressful.

I need a job, so i can actually buy a cellphone.
I know im young and such but im already getting tired of asking for money from her.

i need a dose of relaxtion.

AH! school has been messing with the links in the memory apartment.
I've been really stressful and it's just the second week of school, i hope all that melts away very soon. I need a hand. And i hate when i push the ones who are willing to give me a hand.I've also been annoyed at mostly everything around me. Im not sure what it is.Lately i've been absent minded,forgive me for those who notice, but it's because im always thinking to much about the future. I need to breathe and let it go and see how it plays out. Im beginning to lose my touch upon my dream on becoming a teacher.I thought about it and to me it's not a promising job. I feel like technology
is going to take over that job soon.


I'm living in a pit of frustration and i need to get out and actually think out of the box and see that i have enough time for everything. And appreciate those who are there for me.

This blog should go to you because ...well you deserve it.

Thank you so much for today.For actually listening to me and being so open minded.
Telling me that everything would be okay while tears streamed down. You held out your hand even though i didn't ask. And this is not the only time you've been there. No one sees how great you are, but that's because you don't like to open yourself up to everyone, but im grateful that you have to me <3

I hope i can have you as a friend for a really really long time.

i love you shit face xD

When do i get off this land?

Possibly his right and i'm finally on the same vessel as he is.Earlier today felt as if he chopped off some of my body parts with his acute words,I only had one leg to stand on and one arm to swing.I was to the point that i was rocking myself on the floor,thinking to myself, am i that crazy that i tend to push people away with my poorly insecurities?but then i slowly got up and realized to myself why leach myself to the floor when i know what can make me clam.Cleaning and Writing.After my room was
to a small degree clean i asked my self shall i take a visit to the doctors since the links to my brain seem to be so unhealthy?

It literally took me a movie,some drums,screaming,soothing voices trembling into my ears to be sightly sane.

And who would of thought love would be so rocky?But i put on some hiking boots and i startled to climb and called him telling him"sweet dreams."Since he had his eyelids closed for a couple of hours in the process of this.


"My feet and heart are longing to touch our island that seems to be so far away from society."


I dont feel sleep pondering into my brain like it usual does around this time so i shall pop another film into my mouth with some water.

I need strings.

My head is full of dizziness,if i get up too quick, that's like asking for death.


You just told me that you were tired, tired of arguing.
You bailed out because your hands couldn't unfold anymore.
You gave up on me and us.I'm not quite sure if i can forgive you for that...at least not now.


Being given up on is the worse feeling next too, being cheated on,lied too,being unloved.

So today was the first week of school

And i have to say the third day was the day that i actually liked.I already got homework and i've done them all, and i have some homework that i need to do today or tomorrow.I already feel the stress of this new year coming, but i'm going to try my best to stay focus on all my subjects no matter what. I'm not going to fall into the bad habit of cutting.I can't.This is the most important year and i want to make people proud.I like the time that i go in and come out.Hopefully it won't change,but most likely i'll change it myself because i need to make up some credits.When my english teacher told me that i need to start having a better taste on college, i startled to freak out, i couldn't even touch upon my dream that ive always been dreaming about.I guess i just freaked out. I have three classes that aren't at my best likings, well i should make that clear, the people in it are not at my likings, but once again im going to stay focus and discard them from my memory which is very easy to do.

Ah my brother also goes to my school, which is really cool:)
he already met michelle and alot more of my friends.


I love Oceanography <3

I love the smell of new paper.

AH the breeze of school is on it's way and it feels so refreshing.I can not wait, to have new memories with the best friend Michelle and following others.I'm completely excited to meet the new teachers,and how there minds works.I'm pretty more excited about meeting my English teachers then anything because i love writing and i want to learn new techniques of it.Tonight is the last night, that i can fall asleep late,really late at least.But i'm not going to find sleep tonight, well it's the other way around.I'm panning on breaking night, watching movies,downloading songs,phone with poo, and possibly art.The beautifulest thing ever found.

GR.On another note; i wish i had a camera.I looked at the sky today, and got angry,because it was so beautiful and calming and i had nothing to capture it."FML" -_-

Today ended very lovely because i spent time with boyfran^.^
------ me;*whispers* "baby why is the pillow moving?"...him;" it's because your sleeping on my head" me; *turns around* "baby why is it mov-"-LAUGHS HARD- <3

When it comes to us.

No one will ever understand.How we function.How we listen.How we understand each other,but you and i.

Today fucking blows along with these random thoughs..

I attempted to do the nothingness today because of my left eye that chose to be swollen!Hopefully tomorrow goes a bit more better.

I painted my nails red today :D my toes nails and my finger nails.
I'm starving for some Chinese food,which i'll tell my dad to get me some-.- because my hair is a complete mess, all curls and frizzy.On tuesday the 8th im going to John Bowne to get my scheduled and metro card with J.r and probably Michelle if she wants to come along.I'm pretty pumped about it, because i wanna know what classes i have and what time i get out.I got a motivation to get a job and hopefully that slips into my life perfectly.I actually miss the homework,raising my hand,waking up early,randomly meeting Michelle along the school ride.I just miss school.Any who i saw my grandfather today,(my dad's dad) he comes every Friday which is pleasant i must add. And he always brings gum with him to give us.-laughs-Is he trying to say something?-laughs even harder-i love grandparents<3Even though i never met my mom's father, but there is still love there towards him. I miss setsuna and tyelu like crazy.I'm thinking of getting turtles soon, probably bigger.THIS IS NO REPLACEMENT.I just miss having turtles around.Oh and i have a squirrel stuck in my house!!ask how that happened?.. o.o asking the wrong person.It's under my stairs. I mean it's cute and all>.< but this house is no place for a nest. My parents are trying to let him out free so he won't die in my house, which i rather not have, so hopefully he gets out soon.I'm pretty sure he's been in my house for more then a week already.


That's pretty much it,besides that i'm bored.
ahh and i want to watch the movies "The Wild" and "A Series Of Unfortunate Events"(once again)--- in one of there books they have this dedication that's pretty awesome ; "For beatrice; "when we met,you were pretty,and i was lonely.Now,i am pretty lonely."

Last night i was living in a stream of sharks.

I can't even begin with the amount of dreams that i had about sharks. o.o
I was getting chased by them. I was floating with them, while sleeping. They were sniffing everyone i knew. The dream about a shark chasing is the one that made me sweat and actually wake up breathing hard.Take it from, someone who can't swim. -_-
Nor can run fast inside the deep blue ocean.




Actually this shark looks friendly-_-

Just when i thought everything was going good.

It all goes in between our old cracks. I honestly can't even find a rope for strength as i use to.

Say hello to new weather.

The summer has ended.And i ended it with such a nice touch. Going to a trip.
I start school on the 9th, and im really really super excited and nervous about it.
I miss school, the learning.


can't wait to go back.
hoepfully this year, would be less drama.

Some old letters.

This,here, will show you that i must and need to write everywhere i go.Well actually to that fact,i'm always bringing paper and a pencil with me.

August.23.2009.(sunday night)
i ran through so much emotions while i was in my aunt's car. It was all so new to me, but yet those feelings felt so good.The night before my trip, i planned on staying up the whole night because what was the point of sleep if i needed to get up in a couple of hours.So me and my sister watched 27 dresses(something among that line-_-)later after that, we watched the house on the left, which in my opinion was way too vivid but loved it.That night i was so nervous to the point that i was chewing gum way to hard and way too loud.I was already falling into the thought of being home sick.i honestly never been apart my family,dev,and friends for a whole week without speaking to them.So i wasn't to sure how i was going to survive that.Also that night i couldn't stop craving for some rockyroad D; My heart will ache for the silence that i would have between me and dev.Today we made 8months.

August.24,2009(monday morning 4isham)
in about two hours, i will be seating on an airplane with my seat beat tight around my waist. i'm having an anxiety attack.The sunset hasn't raised yet.Im not screaming because im listening to our song -laughs-i feel a bit okay because i feel like your with me when this song plays.*you never know how something feels until you experience it* i await for the sunset
9:15am -> the sunset arrived while me and my sister,liz and everyone else was waiting for the airplane to move.i did want i knew i was going to do,i was holding onto the seat so tight, as soon as the airplane took speed and off the ground, i let go of the hand rest and put my hands on my face and shut my eyes really tight and i startled to tear up, because i was so scared.I was shaking.It happened so quickly. i had to reassure my self that i was going to be okay and for me to peep out the window when it was high up on the air. This morning, after i sightly clam down a bit,looked over the window,moving slowly,saw the beautiful clouds and startled to see all kinds of things as in shapes,animals,cartoons,faces, i felt so free. Finally i had the guts to say, "Fear did not consume me" The water and clouds looked so peaceful. My ears didn't pop like everyone said it will.I actually got up to go use the bathroom while the airplane was moving!:D which ended me in shocked. My cousin liz got plane sick,vomiting and such.But she did get all better. i dont know why but i ended up naming my pad eyes. We finally arrived D.r and all i could say to some what sum up is wow. D.r so beautiful. I felt like i met a whole different world. i couldn't stop smiling because of all the trees and the free animals and all the clouds, the sky was so clear. Everything was different, the food, the air, even the people. THERE SO HAPPY.

the water over there is very clear.


-> days splattered together.
There so much to say. This trip made me so relaxed at mind.I honestly think i came back different. I found myself in the trees. And i left my insecurities within them.
The people who worked at the hotel were so much fun. I want to travel more. The sky in d.r are priceless. you can actually see the stars, more the one, more then five.I was depending on stars the whole trip<3. Im glad to those who wished me a great trip, because i actually came back safe. My sister did get sick along the way, very sick,we had to stay in the hospital for a night.So i experienced sleeping in the hospital for one night. It was a bit scary. We slept late and woke up early. We lived in the pool, and ocean and soaked up the bright hot sun everyday.i became very fond of 7up with lemon.I miss having breakfast and every other meal with my aunts, my cousins, and my sister.On the last day there, we went to float on the ocean, im not sure what it's called, but it's like a boat, but then again a bicycle. I was completely shaking when i tried the first time,i wish i was a turtle but yet im scare of being deep in the ocean.The sharks is what im scared of. i guess the water being so deep hunted me.I went a second time and it was better then my first. But never ever again. I actually miss dominican republic already. but i missed my family,friends,dev more, so i'm glad im back home.oh and my imagination click very well with clouds,on the way going to d.r i saw two turtles sitting ontop of eachother,like one of the pictures i took of setsuna and tyelu..sigh.In my heart i knew it was them.<3

i did have a wonderful time though and EVERYONE DESERVES AND NEEDS TO GO ON A VACATION AT LEAST THREE TIMES A YEAR. ITS QUITE HEALTHY.