I might just not blog for a while.

Why? because i'm off this crappy island which is label NEW YORK. And im off to dominican republic for a whole damn week.Monday,August.24 to Next Monday August.31.But i will try to keep contact with those who matter.And bring bracelets for there wrist:)
There would be tons of pictures being taken.And people missed.:/

Today is not going the way i want it to go.And it disappoints me."I want to be able to see you before im off to my trip"
im all cranky and hungry and annoyed. the three most deadly combination.
All i need is some coffee and food and all those moods would leave me alone.

So goodbye for now?.. i will be writing, on paper<3

Stare at the sun.

As my thoughts and songs are in shuffle, I sit here in bed sipping some tea my mom has made me,I realized today it being my dads birthday,that when you get older you tend to not care about certain things,I say your birthday is the first thing people seem to lose interest in because they have other things to worry about.that most likely fact saddens me because getting old, having deep wrinkles from laughter is a huge part of life and you must endure it not ignore but everyone's view in life is different

blahblah,sometimes i might not make sense to you, but oh trust me, me and my wires inside my head get along just fine:)

My Eyelids Just Opened.

I had the greatest yet peaceful nap just a min ago or so.
I was actually waking up not thinking about anything till i startled to remembered why my heart weighed so much.Why must people destroy things that are beautiful?

I am a mess without you,yet i can't feel who i am when i'm with you. The reason why is were so much alike and that's not such a horrible aspect.But our similarities made us not shine in our relationship that could of been blooming right about now.It's okay,i just want you to be happy with me or with out me, and that sir i've swelled up and learned a while ago.

I miss you.
remember that.

Am i in too deep? Or have i lost my mind?

I'd like to stick to losing my mind it makes me more sane oddly.
I have to say sometimes i put all the badness to the side, even if it's over the top bad and start new.And as for that,i trust.i believe. I wish at so many times that you can swallow up the words that was once spoken, and act as if nothing happen. But it's not like that way, i have to deal with the heartache that i gave two people that i love deeply and care about.on the other hand me and someone can heal soon because of a trip that's coming up soon, well at least we'll be happy then.It might not be the same with trust issues, but we'll get there.I know we can survive this storm<3 and i was never sure of something.Being that i slept at 5ish in the morning yesterday,why? that's where i wander the most, i just lay in bed with my eyes close but awake,thinking.Thinking to me, is sometimes a dangerous weapon someone can have.agree?yes.... Silence is too.

It hurts and cuts up old wounds once again to know that i can hurt.
I don't want to hurt anymore. this feeling stink, literally it stinks.
Why do we humans need to be capable of things that were not sure we can control.

"When the broken hearts are mended and the many tears are dried,you learn".
I've learned.Trust me.
Thinking and being optimistic can bring slightly some happiness.


Oh this morning is being saved from rotting in so many ways.I love music and writing.

My Right Ear

keeps on hearing a ring.

Today is my dad's birthday<3
lets see how that goes:)


*as i live in hope, im hoping for a better day today."

Beach date much?:)

Went to the beach and the water was fantastic.
Went to the beach and the sun was shining.
Went to the beach and the waves were mad in a lovely way.
I want to go back and live in the water because i felt so free.

My eyes are bleeding.

I'm having trouble breathing.My chest feels heavy then usual.My spine has been hurting me all day and my thoughts can't seem to stop driving. I want sleep. I need sleep. But I can't find sleep....

Come to think of it; all day I've been feeling weak. And I have felt so lazy,more then usual.
I'm not sure if there's something wrong with me... Like health wise. But if my nightmare wants to arrive early,let me be sleeping.



;three more days till dad's birthday;
(I'm not quite sure but this year, I have been keeping track of his birthday)
As I lay here I think of my brother's birthday?..if I ever blogged about it.
I search and to me it seems like I didn't which is no good because I startled to feel guilty about.
So let me write a short story of it;
He turned 14 years old on July.28
We went to the movies with adrian to watch a film of his choice.
Which we did,we ate popcorn and nachos with melted cheese and candy:) and soda..
Adrian drove us to Whitestone-__- ahhh I can actually remember how beautiful the wind was...I almost felt free when I shut my eyes,and when i closed my eyes tighter, I could of swore I was going through a transporter,at the process of this,I looked over to my brother and he looked over at me and we just startled laughing so hard,laughing at the fact that we were trying so hard to breath through all that wind that was coming in four windows. I love speed xD. But yes that's pretty much what happened,oh and he got moeny for his gift^-^.I love him tons.

Death might just be beautiful.

I know i have blog about this before, as you know,i have a thing with dead flowers.But i simply can't throw them out.I feel bad, because there just so pretty and i dont know i have this silly feeling that if i throw them away they'll feel lonely. And i hate when i feel lonely, so i don't anything around me feeling lonely.To me there colors are so astionishing after they die, the colors stand out more. I actually appreciate them more when there like this.which is sad or weird?..







Daily blogs;
http://iammichellekwan.blogspot.com/
http://rawtranquility.blogspot.com/

I'm tired.

I'm tired of this feeling.This feeling that i'm becoming so fond of.Don't get me wrong, i have the best people around me that can easily make me happy or just make me sane for the time.But at the end of the day when thoughts seem to roll in,i become sightly on edge,feeling uncomfortable,feeling lonely,feeling out of place.I don't know what it is and i'm tired of trying to figure it out.Won't somebody just give me a fortune cookie with the answer inside?


Let me drown in this.

I want to feel happy with myself.I want to believe that i can accomplish things without anyone's help.i want to feel like myself again.I mean i'm holding on so i won't fall into that hole where souls spend there days looking for there bodies,when there bodies are right beneath them.I just don't think that i can hold on for any longer.I guess what im trying to say is i want someone to broom my insecurities away. I want to feel like the way i felt in 4th grade,brave with confidence that i didn't know i had.Sometimes i miss it, miss being a kid. Where nothing matter but drawing,candy,cartoons,video games,bikes and ice cream.

Lets just say today my mind has been wondering as it wanders.

So my mind has been weighing a lot today.And it hurts to know all the things i can think about in a matter of time.Today someone that i never met,someone that i never thought about till today had passed away.He lived in Dominican Republic with his wife. I wasn't related to him, but I'm sure that his wife was my cousin,in some sort of way.My family is a bit complicated when it comes to generations but i do love them all.And when my mother told me the news, i had chills all over.Okay that is not the point.The point is how do we know if today is our last day?- we don't know,we can't wake up every morning thinking about that question, or just thinking about death, because if so we wouldn't be living and appreciating life and those who are in it.It saddens me that i never met him and he had to pass away.Actually it saddens me that death even exists. But without death there wouldn't be life.And like imagine how the family is dealing with it. i know there hurting.As i could remember, someone in a movie had said before,people need to die because then we'll know how much we loved them, and it's true and i agree with it.With that all happening i thought of Setsuna and Tyelu, my turtles,because they did pass away a couple of months ago, and that was the first death that touched me so much and hurtled so much, because no one so close to me has ever passed away until setsuna and tyelu.And honestly i still wish my tears can bring them back in my hands...I wonder what journey there on today. But all i wanted to say to them was "i stll have the blanket where you use to sleep on" .Death is a nightmare, an enemy.That is why i try to have good days with everyone and let them know that they mean something to me, even if it's in the simplest way ever imaginable.


Other then my thinking and the events that occur, i had a lovely nice day with my mom.First i went to get new glasses and such with brother and her.I like to think that i picked out nice glasses.Which will arrive next Saturday.After that my brother left home.Me and my mom decided to shop for the things that we needed the most, as in clothes.We ate some ice cream together and we actually chatted which i adored the most.I love my mom so much.Her laughter is so contagious.-smiles-

Possibly future ideas

CAREER PATH; teacher (not sure on the grade;deciding on 4th graders or 1st graders)

OH ON THE SIDE OF MY ARM:
-Artist
-Photography
-Writer
-And maybe learning chef tips from my best friend Michelle :D ahah :P


this is her <3 loveyoumichmellow^_^

This is the kind of weather where i wish i can be breathing with soulmate.

Today feels nice.It's the kind of weather i would fall in love with as soon as i step out of my nest.The kind of weather where you want to go to your roof and just lay down and close your eyes and actually feel the wind play with your eyelashes. Sometimes i think that we don't show mother nature the appreciation it deserves.And that's sad to me, because mother nature is so beautiful, in so many ways.I find that analyzing life around us,soaking in the good feelings that people give us,helping out others is worth living for. Who ever accomplishes living free and peaceful at mind at the same time is shining.

A heart loving Chapter Today <3

wow.. so it went from being horrible to being on top of the world wonderful.And i can promise you this; never again we'll be going through a bad episode like that.
like all the other days we spent together, i never wanted it to end<3
aha, second time we ate empanadas together -_- i have no idea why i remember these things,but yet again im glad that i do:) so today you wore the cutest shirt ever of gir <3<3 with a cupcake ahaha, and im glad i met your hamsters ^_^ so adorable. and for some reason your doggy star wanted all my attention today? o.O but i found that cute as well,-laughs-

my loving soulmate, i miss you<3
come on home to me:)

even though today was mega hella hot.. i enjoyed it. thank you for bringing me home like always ^.*

Smile<3

I love my family<3

They are the spark to my life.
I have no clue where i would be standing if i didnt have them in my life.
Actually, wait, im lying, i do know what i'll do if i didn't have them in my life,i wouldn't be standing.

They never fail at making me laugh,making me feel loved,making me feel like i have a wonderful,perfect puzzle life. yes there times where.. i dislike them. but it's normal. My family is fulled with different characteristics and i love it! As of right now; me typing this away freely; i can say i'm happy,completely happy,i'm content.
i have a few friends that i adore the most>.< pretty much an amazing boyfriend, and i have a whole bunch of nut crackers :D that are label as my family. my blood.

So i have Writer's block D;

which i really dislike.
agh... ijust want winter back to be mine<3

MEOW?

17 more days till my dad's birthday ^_^

you are in my dreams; half human; half machine.

Yesterday felt like the longest yet perfect day.
A great day to start a month.
It was something between the lines
of lullabies dancing with the fairies.
It felt so different; it's hard to explain or describe
all i know; is that i never wanted it to end.


-so how did it start?
Well i'll be glad to tell you:D

I arrived at my boyfran's house,carving for a nap because i haven't slept the night before because of my crappy sleeping habits and i told him to hold star his big doggy, so she wouldn't be able to rape me -____-. i was exhausted from the heat that the sun wanted to pour out.And obviously without a fight i had to absorb.We went to his sister's room, because she had A.C on; which felt like the prayers of my day-laughs- We lay down and we spent some time talking. We spoke like it was our first and last time speaking. It felt so good and so different. We looked into eachother's eyes, as if we were feeding onto eachother's soul.Time pass by and we connected like we always do. Later on; we decided to head out and go roam around the city. We hop onto the train and got out at 14th st. we look at some art;some kittens;some faces;some ice;some ice cream trucks; AND OMG THIS ONE CUPCAKE TRUCK! ZOMG! :O.. but anyway we went to tacobell! and we ate tacos for the first time together<3 We talked for a little after we finish eating,which felt great. After that we walked around the city; we were night ninjas >.< i was full from the tacos, but yet i wanted ice cream, which i didnt get, because i didnt want to upset my tummy D; Anyway we went into some store full of clothes, which was a total tease because i wasn't carrying enough money to buy clothes. Devon tried some jackets. We got out of the store and called it a day and we hop onto the train and went home. Sadly enough we departed in one of the stops, because i told him to go home instead of taking me home, because first his ipod battery died and i didnt want him to be bored going back home...

It might have not sounded like the most exciting day to you i guess?
but you weren't in my shoes, and you have no clue how happy i felt.


oh and btw it was our 2nd saturday that we hung out:)
and we told each other that we'll be eating tacos every Saturday from then^_^

I Clicked And Got Beautiful Results<3

^^ dont you guys see a warrior? o.o